All the Questions About the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit “Edition”

Just How Many Cover Models are There?

The first plus-size Asian-American cover model. A groundbreaking 74-year old cover model. Ciara. Kim Kardashian.

Do They Actually PRINT a Swimsuit Edition? Why Tho?

I haven’t read a physical magazine since — I don’t know, 2009? Do people still subscribe to Sports Illustrated magazine? Do these people know there’s a thing called the internet? SI is on Apple News, it’s on SI.com. If you have a phone, you have SI.

If So, Why Do People Buy the Swimsuit Edition? No, SRSLY, Why?

There was a time when the swimsuit edition was the only way a teenage boy could get his hands on photographic proof of the existence of the female nipple. SI would inevitably include a sea-soaked white t-shirt as “swimwear,” and the olive contours of an areola and the shape of a pert nipple would be plainly visible, but — AND THIS IS THE CRUCIAL PART — technically covered, so no one can call the magazine pornographic. No, it is definitely still a sports publication.

What Does a Photo of a 74-Year Old in a One-Piece Prove Exactly?

I see a lot of articles about body positivity online, and SI’s recent casting decisions are cut from the same cloth. See — we’re defeating the male gaze and promoting acceptance of all bodies.

Why is Kim Kardashian’s Presence on the “Cover” Controversial?

Pop quiz: when confronted with the spectacle of a fake celebrity getting the hollow “honor “ of being on the imaginary cover of a silly publication, your natural reaction should be:

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Giuseppe Borghese III

Giuseppe Borghese III

I want to build a better human. One that can survive the troubles of our own making. One less insufferable than the narcissistic monster of today.