Russia Completes Second Phase of Special Military Operation

Russia today announced that it had successfully wrapped up the next phase of its military operation in Ukraine.

“Today, after less than 48 hours of military operations,” explained Kremlin spokesperson, Gennady Slepoi, “our soldiers have cleared Belgorodskaya Oblast and Kurskaya Oblast entirely of all nazi provocateurs.”

Western officials are said to be alarmed by the speed and deadly effectiveness of the Russian troop movements. According to Russia’s military leadership, no Russian soldiers were killed or injured in the lightning strike, which has made it safe once again for the Russian-speaking populations of the restive region.

“Never again,” swore Ivan Lozhev, “We will not go back to the days when the good people of Belgorod and Kursk need fear for the threat of genocide. Dai, bog — we can live in peace.”

Satellite images from Maxar Technologies confirmed the rapid movement east and north of all 50,000 Russian troops that were still engaged in the Ukrainian conflict.