Sergei Lavrov Embarrasses Himself, Russia

[Full domination by the US and its Western subjects on the world stage] is built on gross violations of international law and under some rules, which they are now hyping so much and which they make up on a case-by-case basis. Link.

So says Sergei Lavrov, allegedly foreign minister for a legitimate government, but more properly understood as court jester to his majesty, the Putin.

As a PR professional and a comedian, I have advice for him: timing is everything.

There was a legitimate axe to grind with the US and its enablers at one time. The US did violate international law, when it invaded Iraq; but that was some time ago. 2003–2011, to be exact. Russia was never the right one to bring charges against the US, but inasmuch as Lavrov cares about rule of law, he might have wanted to say something sooner.

How much sooner?

• Before the apartment bombings and before the Second Chechen War would have been nice. Oops, already too late.
• Before the 2008 invasion of Georgia maybe? Yeah, before then would have been nice.
• Before 2014’s annexation of Crimea and de facto annexation of the separatist regions in eastern Ukraine.
• Oh, hey, maybe before your troops downed MH17.
• Before you rolled into Ukraine.
• Before you bombed a theater sheltering civilians in Mariupol.
• Before you reduced Mariupol to ashes.
• Before Bucha? Yeah, probably before Bucha.
• Before you dropped a cluster munition directly on top of a crowd of civilians waiting for a train.

To translate from Sergei’s rusty Russian, what he’s really saying: to stop NATO, we must commit completely unrelated crimes against humanity of our own.

It just goes to show that Russian leadership is flailing. They are like a fighter pilot dropping chaff just as fast as they can to the screaming of the radar lock. Putin and Lavrov and the rest of their henchmen of awfulness are safe as long as they don’t leave the borders of the Russian Federation, but they know they can’t win in any sense and they are scared. They are scared of NATO expanding endlessly, because: why not? It’s why they’ve been rattling the nuclear sabre. It’s the last resort, but it’s all they’ve got, now that their military has been exposed for the meek, disorganized force it is. It’s the military that corrupt sacks of shit like Putin and Lavrov and the rest deserve. Cynical, doomed men marching to their deaths and committing atrocities on their way to the grave (and grabbing a microwave or two to shop back home in the meantime).

Whatever you earned for your obedience, Serge, I hope it was worth it, because you have the shittiest job in the world, saying the dumbest, least defensible shit ever to dribble out of a two-faced lying asshat. It’s a great relief for the previous titleholder, Sean Spicer.